Operation Twin Pregnancy Mission 6

Some people can't control their bladder while they are pregnant...ME...I can't control my mouth.

Yes...It has finally happened... I am no longer showing any sympathy for fellow pregnant women, or anyone else for that matter. For example...walking trough Babies R Us, two girls that were both pregnant (and about 19) walked up to me to very bluntly state that I was the "biggest pregnant woman" they had ever seen. OK first of all...if anyone knows that I am big...ITS ME!! I mean come on, I haven't been able to reach my ankles for so long that I now look like one of the Clydesdale horse from the Budweiser commercials. (who by the way have changed their mind about letting me pull the wagon for their Christmas commercials because they don't have a harness big enough for me.)

Anyways, back to the little brats from the store.After their insult, I kind of grinned and said I was having twins. They both began to ask me about labor and what to expect...this is where I lost control of my mouth...I couldn't help it. When they both asked me if labor hurt...I gave an evil laugh...damn near yelled "hell yeah it hurts!" and ended my sinister plot by telling them that since it was their first pregnancy, the hospitals for reasons of liability,wouldn't allow them to have pain meds. Both of their jaws hit the floor, I smiled gave them a half ass"Good Luck" and walked away. (oh did I mention that I didn't feel the least bit guilty.)

I have also hit the point in my pregnancy that I have lost sympathy for everyone else that complains of pains or pregnancy symptoms.

For example..at the store buying yet another supply of what I affectionately call "Puke Pills" (aka: Rolaids)the cashier says, "oh do you still have morning sickness?" I told her that I did, in which she said,"Oh I had it until I was 10 weeks." Again I smiled and thought to myself, "is this chick for real?" I am obviously further along than 10 weeks and your comment is supposed to make me feel better?

NEWSFLASH! I don't care that you had morning sickness for 10 weeks or at all for that matter! I am 34 weeks along as of today, I puke daily and I have an un-natural fear of the toilet because of it. I have now mastered the art of puking with my eyes closed.Sure I gave myself a massive goose egg on my head from the toilet once or twice, but that's nothing compared to the first few times I tried to pee with my eyes closed. The first time I almost peed in the bath tub,I cracked my trash can, and bruised my ass on the counter, but I think I have the hang of it now.Oh well until I find my next victim....